How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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