How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
