I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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