I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
