is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
