I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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