I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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