please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
