i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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