I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
