I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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