cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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