K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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