a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
