I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
