I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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