I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
