can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
