we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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