He kissed a someone with a penis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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