I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
