Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone signed my nipple.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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