You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
