you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sex in a hospital.. check
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
