dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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