Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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