pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
