If i come over, it means nothing
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
