When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
