the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
