that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
