Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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