Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
