I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
