alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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