just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
