it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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