Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
