yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
