I'm really into asian looking animals
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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