Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
