Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
