remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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