I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
nutella sex= disaster
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
