Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
