my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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