I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just had sex bonerless
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
