did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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