I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
