Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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