Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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