Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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