I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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