You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
