Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
