thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
