I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
