walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
