Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
