she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
