I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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