I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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