I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Found your dick twin last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
