So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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