he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
