his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize