I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
