If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
