i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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