Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
