Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
