do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
