Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Who died my cat blue again?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
