that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
