I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
