my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
