Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
