She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's get the cat blown out
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