so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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