yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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