We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
