WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
