no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
