Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
